Borgen Christmas Party turns tragic with Grandma's unexpected passing

Our Borgen family Christmas party happened on the Saturday before Christmas this year. December 20, 2008. You know the routine.....every extended relative come from far and wide to spend 3-5 hours eating food, playing games, telling stories, and enjoying the infamous traditions of a Christmas get together as a way of celebrating each holiday season. 

This years Christmas party started out as merry as any ever had, but before the evening was over...EVERYTHING CHANGED. 

Food was first. And the table conversations revolved around getting caught up on each others busy happenings of the past 12 months, as well as plenty of jokes and fun stories. Games were next. The kids went to the shop where they had plenty of room to run, watch movies, play ping pong, darts and much more. Adults stayed close to the living room and kitchen area enjoying more conversation, dessert, a fun Christmas trivia game, and a family movie with all of our pictures from this year in it. (Made by my Aunt Kathy) 

Grandma and Grandpa Borgen were right in the middle of the fun and everyone seemed to be doing well. 

As the evening wore on and the hour grew late, families began to pack up and go home. After a few cars had pulled away, grandpa started up his car to warm it for grandma and to wipe the fresh snow off the windshield in preparation for the drive home. 

Well, this is where things began going down hill. Grandma has been a walking time bomb as it relates to her health. Her heart is really bad. Her lungs are shot. She is on Oxygen and has been advised by her doctors to keep a VERY light load on her shoulders. By very light load, I mean, be careful and slow and take as many breaks as you need to even walking from one room to another within her own home. 

Well, she trucked out through the snow filled sky, out to their car, and after settling into her seat, her body decided to quit working on her. She tipped her head back, stopped breathing, and the panic of Grandpa and Aunt Kathy (the one helping grandma buckle into her seat) began. 

We were inside, wondering what was taking so long for Kathy to say goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa, and out of curiosity I went walking to the window to see what they were doing. My cousin Shelley was already there looking out and she said she thought something was wrong. I went to the front door. By the time I got to the door Kathy was running in shouting for someone to call 911. I raced to the car and following me were the rest of the aunts, uncles and cousins that still remained at the party. 

Grandpa just kept shaking her telling her to wake up and by the time I got to the car it was obvious she was gone. I took her pulse and confirmed my thoughts. In a mad rush we flopped her out of the car and into the house. 4 of us granddaughters began CPR. 

I won't go into detail about the kind of experience this was, but for those of you who have gone through this you know what kind of a scene I am talking about. For those who have not, I hope you never have to. 

However, let me say this....In the blur of the moment, and through all the adrinaline and racing thoughts, I do remember vividly thinking thoughts like:

"If this is it, what was the last thing I said to her tonight"

"Did I give her a hug and kiss good bye"

"How many moments did I stop and focus on my conversations with her tonight"

"Did I have all my kids give her hugs and visit with her"

"I wish I would have taken more pictures with her and of her with my children"

" I am so grateful for the loving, unexpected phone call I recieved from her last week"

"I am really glad that I brought her a drink tonight, gave up my seat to her, and found her purse for her when she needed it" 

"I am so grateful I chose to sit by her tonight during our family game"

It is amazing what thoughts become really important to you when you realize you are losing or have just lost someone really important to you. You don't think about the last gifts you just exchanged, or the differences you may have had. You instantly think of the love, the regrets, the relationship issues that revolve around the question - Did she REALLY know how I felt about her, or did I miss my opportunity to share that with her. 

anyway...

The medics arrived and took over. Although her heart had stopped, she was resuscitated and her heart began to beat again. BUT, her lungs refused to breath on their own. The respirator she was hooked up to was the only thing keeping her alive at this point. 

Dan and Gary had whisked ALL the children out to the shop so fast that none of them had to witness any of these events. So after grandma was taken in the ambulance we all recovered our children, sent them home with our husbands and went to the hospital ourselves to see how the night would play out. 

It was at the hospital that the doctors told us they were quite certain that once they take her off the respirator she would most likely not sustain her life on her own. However, they offered that we try one last option to see how much life or brain activity she really had. To do this, they cooled her body into a hypothermia and rewarmed her over the next 36 hours. At that point, they would run a couple of tests on her and give us their final opinion. 

This gave all the family, especially Grandpa, some much needed time to process what was happening, rather than to just loose grandma the way we almost did at the Christmas party. 

When the treatment was completed and the tests were run, the docs confirmed what they had told us that first night. Grandma was not going to live on her own. 

The family arranged to meet at the hospital Monday to say our last good byes and to take her off of the respirator. As you can imagine, a moment like this carries with it millions of emotions and thoughts. All of which were racing through my mind and body all day. 

A few things that I loved about the way everything was happening is that when we came to her bedside on Monday, she looked so much better than the way she looked as we were desperately trying to revive her Saturday night. We had time to surround her, have a family prayer around her, hold each other, and send her off with a little more fore thought and preparation.

This was so much better for all of us to see her go under today's circumstances than to loose her in an unexpected flash at our Christmas party.

However, the hardest part of going through this is the sad emotions that always accompany the death of a loved one. And, that it felt like we had lost her twice, once the night of our Christmas party and then again today. It is sad to watch grandpa most of all. My heart always breaks most for the spouse that is left living. I quietly imagine what they must be feeling or going through and can hardly wrap my heart around it. 

I love her to pieces. I love grandpa to pieces as well. I pray that God keeps him and my extended family comforted through this heartache.